Me Vs The World , Love , and Pride

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul"

In all cases , the most thing that I happen to avoid is love . Yeah , it takes a lot of part of me . Rather than taking , its more like stealing away a piece in you . It can make a person feel uncomfortable without that piece . And worst , that love comes in many ways . for an example , when you love your lover and when you love your friend as your own sister/brother . Both of them is love , right ?

Recently , problems went too fast through my life . Many bad things happen just in a short time . Especially problem upon love . It keeps reap my soul slowly and I might can hold any longer with all the pressure in my life .

So , the story actually begins since I was young . Nobody ever loved me as a brother/sister . My family is busy and my brother is much more busy with his life . So , since I was still young I adapt to bury all of my problems and tears beneath my deepest heart . I tried anything so I can seal it away and forget the problems . But It wont work as my plan . I commonly had bad dreams , or maybe waked up in the middle of the night and letting the tears went out from my eyes . I fight the world by myself . I built up my own character and got friends . I was so happy when I had a friend , but soon I noticed that not every of them really have me as their friends . Some used me , others mock me from behind .

All of my story in elementary school ended up as a nightmare for me . It sure breaks my heart deeply . I tried not to trust anybody . I only believe my trusted friends along with myself . Entering Junior High School it was totally different with my elementary school . Many people start to honor me . With the new pride I got , I start to build my character much more strong . I went to be a person that seems to be perfect in front of my friends . But still , as high as I have my pride their still lies friend who betray me and many other problems that destruct my heart . I noticed it was so hard to carry on to be perfect but in the other side problems keep killing you inside .

So I finally came to a decision when I started lo live without using my heart .

It all went straight . I become a very cold person that doesn't care anything . I tender to hate people that had ever done bad to me . I turn to be cruel to anybody without caring the gender . I gone mad and I finally realized that my friends are starting to leave me . For that I become much more bad and it all ended in a twist .

I realize that hate doesn't bring betterment to my life . It just makes it much more worst . When I notice everyone had left me besides my closest friends I was feeling like a loser . But everything change when I not in purpose called my friend with 'kak'(means a call upon your sister in Indonesia). She was shocked and smiled. Then she said "kenapa dek ?(whats wrong with you ?)". I smiled too and answered "ga papa kok(nothing.)"

Since that time we became closer and much more closer . She became a space for me and I became something for her too . I firstly thought it is love(like lovers) , but soon I realize that its not the same . I like her as my sister . She became a part of me , and I became a part of her too .

With my sister I keep on repair my life . I live in a new perspective . And thanks to her I'm able to share all of my broken heart stories to her and felt better . I adapt to live without any lover , but I need a sister/brother I need to share of . Unfortunately I had to separate with my sister after ending Junior High School . Then my story continues to Senior High School .

Senior High School is much more fun but much more dangerous too . I had my life really extreme . Problems come in much more damn ways . Bad mark lessons , organization , love , and many other . I then tried to do what I have done before , living without a heart but only in the point of love . It done well for about 1 year , but still it wont work long .

Then I start to seek for another person like my sister in junior high school that I can make just as my sister . Without noticing , I was close to my younger class mate . She was still plain and was the only girl that are way too brave to mock me . I sure became interested upon her .

I then placed her as my sister , and I think she had no problem with that . We were close that time , and I tried my best to help her . In any case when I can be useful for her , I'll try it for her . Because She lives by her own and doesn't have any other brother in here and also remembering my past when I was all alone and fight the world by myself , I want to become worth for her . In terms she can smile everyday , Its enough for me .

But something happened when I realized she loved my friend . I'm not jealous towards him or somewhat , but my sister loves my friend but my friend doesn't know that she actually love him . It makes my sister sad . Then I helped her to be closer to him . I told everything I knew and all the the things just in case so she would know who is my friend actually because I just want the best for her .

As time goes by , they two become closer and closer . It made me happy because she became happy . But they finally stopped being closer again . My friend hang over my sister's feelings . Don't know why he did it . But it sure broke my sister's heart . For my sisters good-sake I try to find why he done that .

I keep on thinking over and over again . until I noticed that he might done that because there's a high wall on mt sister that keeps on take cover upon her so he might think that the wall stops his way . The wall was me .

 Worst , my sister commonly tell me upon my friend that he love . It seems that my sister is falling in love very deep with him . With all the words she told me , I realized it that He is a much more better for her rather than me . It was hard to accept the reality and actually deep down my heart I feel those pain again .

For that I start to forget her from my heart . I tried my best to avoid her . I wish only the best for her, that is when she finally can be with the one she love . Thinking it over again , I realized I was too rude for her to place her as my sister just as I want . I realize that I was actually nobody for her . I think that she suppose to be mad on me for what I have done .

 Now I just try to stand up by myself and try to do as what I've done before alone . Fighting the world by myself . Lets just hold the uttering tears once again to finish my school story in Senior High School . Well , I hate love story , especially mine .

First Love :3

Hmm , kl yg orang bakal pikir kata 'FIRST LOVE' pasti bakal bilang "cinta pertama itu paling indah", "susah dilupain", dll. Tp yg buat kbanyakan orang berkata begitu karena cinta yg dialaminya berlangsung baik2 aja. yeah walaupun akhirny kata "FIRST" yg mengartikan kalo ada kisah selanjutnya yg bakal dialami orang itu. well itu mengartikan kl kata first love pasti bakal berakhir dengan putus hubungan.

Tapi kisah yg ak alami dalam first love'ku bener2 bego bgt dan ga penting bgt. parahnya itu terjadi saat aku masih kelas 1 SD(kl ga salah :p). yeah , ga salah dong kl anak kecil dah main cinta2an karena toh yg dilakuin ga bakal yg parah2 bgt kyk yg orang dewasa lakuin kl pacaran(ckck). dan parahnya lagi bener pandangan pertama langsung ak suka ma dia dan langsung ak nembak tanpa pikir panjang(pdhl umur sekitar 5 tahun).

yeah , jd kisahnya kita mulai di sebuah SD di london ak bersekolah dan bersosialisasi sama tmn2. menghabiskan masa bahagia layaknya anak kecil. menangis ketika terjatuh, senang ketika diberi permen, suka menghisap jempol, suka melamun. Itulah ak saat usia 5 tahun ak mengalami first love.

Saat sebuah acara sekolah, semua murid berkumpul di sekolah dan ngadain lomba gtiu. nah entah apa yg terjadi semua murid baris per kelas. dari kelas 1 sampe kelas 6 SD. setelah berbaris gitu, didepan ada guru yg ngasih pengarahan mengenai lomba yg akan dilangsungkan. sejujurnya ak tidak memperhatikan guru yg menerangkan di depan waktu itu. karena tertutupi kerumunan orang banyak, ak mencoba mencari kerjaan sendiri. seolah2 asik dengan duniaku sendiri dengan melamun dan melihat kearah kerumunan yg lain dari kelas2 lain. Sejenak setelah itu ak lihat ad gadis yg cantik banget dan bener2 mencuri duniaku saat itu.

 TANPA PIKIR PANJANG AKU LANGSUNG DATANG MENGHAMPIRI GADIS ITU MENYUSURI BARISAN PANJANG ANAK" DARI KELAS LAIN. SETELAH ITU LANGSUNG DIDEPANNYA AK BILANG "I LOVE YOU , WOULD YOU WANT TO BE MY GIRL ?"
bodohnya lagi gadis itu hanya diam dan terpaku. tidak hanya dia yang terkejut, seluruh teman2nya dan anak2 SD yg lain hanya diam menyaksikanku beraksi. setelah menunggu sekitar setengah menit yg rasany dah kayak 2 jam buatku , akhirnya dia berkata "SORRY".
Yeah , cerita first love'ku memang tidak berakhir indah. kata sorry adalah kata yg diucapkannya ke ak. Setelah itu, ak ga pernah ketemu lagi dengan dia. walaupun di sekolah ak mencari gadis itu, tetap tidak ada. setelah mencari informasi nama gadis itu Daisy. Dan parahnya dia memang sengaja menghindar dari aku. entah betapa hancurnya perasaanku saat itu. rasanya lucu kl mengingat bodohnya ak semasa kecil.

yeah , menceritakan itu semua memang tidak mudah. rasanya semasa kecil tidak ada rasa malu serta takut untuk bilang itu semua. tp aku bersyukur bgt first love'ku terjadi dulu bgt dan terjadi di negeri yg jauh dari negeriku sekarang. Jadi aku ga bakal ketemu lagi sama dia. entah ak mau ngomong apa kalau2 nanti ketemu lagi sama daisy. wkwkwk

yang terbaik adalah aku bs nglupain dia selamanya(and it still works until now). Tapi dari pengalaman pahitku itu ak belajar 2 hal , yaitu :

1. LOVE CAN MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING EVEN THOUGH ITS IMPOSSIBLE OR AN CRAZY IDEA. EVEN A BOY WOULD SNEAK AND RUN TO A GIRL HE LOVE AND SAY THAT HE LOVE HER IMMEDIATELY JUST BECAUSE OF LOVE.

2.IF YOU DARE TO LOVE SOMEBODY, YOU MUST DARE IF THE ONE THAT LOVES YOU TURNS TO HATE YOU

dari 2 point itu membuat aku berkomitmen untuk ga pacaran sampe lulus SMA. Karena saat kita berani mencintai seseorang, kita juga harus berani jika nantinya kita disakiti/dibenci oleh orang yang kita cintai. sesungguhnya kisah diatas jg ga bisa dibilang bener2 first love karena toh ak ga jadian sama dia. wkwkwk

Well thats all for today, thanks for reading :)

I made it again :)

well actually I had a blog since 2008 but I was not too interested with it. I tried to opened my old blog and I found that its hard to continue on that blog. So now I try to re-make one new again and keep serious on it.
well , special thanks to Dea Devina my own sibling that made me interested back with blogging. Well this is my first post, not too important but a good start :)

My name itself is Albert. but my friend usually call me Abe. I live in Salatiga, Central Java, Indonesia. But I spent my childhood in London, UK for 4 years. It made me capable in English language. I'm now 16 years old and I sat in grade 12 of senior high school. I enjoy my life at the most as a senior high school student. I had so many stories in it, especially upon my position as the leader of the student council brings me damn great experience !

well that's just some words from me to start on being a blogger, nice to join here :D