"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul"
In all cases , the most thing that I happen to avoid is love . Yeah , it takes a lot of part of me . Rather than taking , its more like stealing away a piece in you . It can make a person feel uncomfortable without that piece . And worst , that love comes in many ways . for an example , when you love your lover and when you love your friend as your own sister/brother . Both of them is love , right ?
Recently , problems went too fast through my life . Many bad things happen just in a short time . Especially problem upon love . It keeps reap my soul slowly and I might can hold any longer with all the pressure in my life .
So , the story actually begins since I was young . Nobody ever loved me as a brother/sister . My family is busy and my brother is much more busy with his life . So , since I was still young I adapt to bury all of my problems and tears beneath my deepest heart . I tried anything so I can seal it away and forget the problems . But It wont work as my plan . I commonly had bad dreams , or maybe waked up in the middle of the night and letting the tears went out from my eyes . I fight the world by myself . I built up my own character and got friends . I was so happy when I had a friend , but soon I noticed that not every of them really have me as their friends . Some used me , others mock me from behind .
All of my story in elementary school ended up as a nightmare for me . It sure breaks my heart deeply . I tried not to trust anybody . I only believe my trusted friends along with myself . Entering Junior High School it was totally different with my elementary school . Many people start to honor me . With the new pride I got , I start to build my character much more strong . I went to be a person that seems to be perfect in front of my friends . But still , as high as I have my pride their still lies friend who betray me and many other problems that destruct my heart . I noticed it was so hard to carry on to be perfect but in the other side problems keep killing you inside .
So I finally came to a decision when I started lo live without using my heart .
It all went straight . I become a very cold person that doesn't care anything . I tender to hate people that had ever done bad to me . I turn to be cruel to anybody without caring the gender . I gone mad and I finally realized that my friends are starting to leave me . For that I become much more bad and it all ended in a twist .
I realize that hate doesn't bring betterment to my life . It just makes it much more worst . When I notice everyone had left me besides my closest friends I was feeling like a loser . But everything change when I not in purpose called my friend with 'kak'(means a call upon your sister in Indonesia). She was shocked and smiled. Then she said "kenapa dek ?(whats wrong with you ?)". I smiled too and answered "ga papa kok(nothing.)"
Since that time we became closer and much more closer . She became a space for me and I became something for her too . I firstly thought it is love(like lovers) , but soon I realize that its not the same . I like her as my sister . She became a part of me , and I became a part of her too .
With my sister I keep on repair my life . I live in a new perspective . And thanks to her I'm able to share all of my broken heart stories to her and felt better . I adapt to live without any lover , but I need a sister/brother I need to share of . Unfortunately I had to separate with my sister after ending Junior High School . Then my story continues to Senior High School .
Senior High School is much more fun but much more dangerous too . I had my life really extreme . Problems come in much more damn ways . Bad mark lessons , organization , love , and many other . I then tried to do what I have done before , living without a heart but only in the point of love . It done well for about 1 year , but still it wont work long .
Then I start to seek for another person like my sister in junior high school that I can make just as my sister . Without noticing , I was close to my younger class mate . She was still plain and was the only girl that are way too brave to mock me . I sure became interested upon her .
I then placed her as my sister , and I think she had no problem with that . We were close that time , and I tried my best to help her . In any case when I can be useful for her , I'll try it for her . Because She lives by her own and doesn't have any other brother in here and also remembering my past when I was all alone and fight the world by myself , I want to become worth for her . In terms she can smile everyday , Its enough for me .
But something happened when I realized she loved my friend . I'm not jealous towards him or somewhat , but my sister loves my friend but my friend doesn't know that she actually love him . It makes my sister sad . Then I helped her to be closer to him . I told everything I knew and all the the things just in case so she would know who is my friend actually because I just want the best for her .
As time goes by , they two become closer and closer . It made me happy because she became happy . But they finally stopped being closer again . My friend hang over my sister's feelings . Don't know why he did it . But it sure broke my sister's heart . For my sisters good-sake I try to find why he done that .
I keep on thinking over and over again . until I noticed that he might done that because there's a high wall on mt sister that keeps on take cover upon her so he might think that the wall stops his way . The wall was me .
Worst , my sister commonly tell me upon my friend that he love . It seems that my sister is falling in love very deep with him . With all the words she told me , I realized it that He is a much more better for her rather than me . It was hard to accept the reality and actually deep down my heart I feel those pain again .
For that I start to forget her from my heart . I tried my best to avoid her . I wish only the best for her, that is when she finally can be with the one she love . Thinking it over again , I realized I was too rude for her to place her as my sister just as I want . I realize that I was actually nobody for her . I think that she suppose to be mad on me for what I have done .
Now I just try to stand up by myself and try to do as what I've done before alone . Fighting the world by myself . Lets just hold the uttering tears once again to finish my school story in Senior High School . Well , I hate love story , especially mine .
